Sunday, March 4, 2012


Tuesday afternoon. I'm going to buy a pair of jeans and then I'll continue studying. I go to the youth floor and I look for a simple pair of jeans. I take the size I usually take, 38 and also the size 40, just in case. I take some and I  walked toward the changing room to try them on. I try the bigger one first and I just can't get in to it... I'll take the size 42, but seriously?! I mean, I guess the number of anorexic girls have increased or something like that. I try the next size on and it looks like an elephant skin on me. In that moment I felt humiliated, like someone more powerful than me has told me: You are shapeless, you're not worthy of a pair of jeans, we make sizes for the majority of the population, you think we'd give a shit about you?

Now I'm in French class. The teacher keeps talking and I'm managing to follow the lesson and the vocabulary she's giving. Suddenly my classmate asks me something and I don't know the answer. She looks annoyed. I try to go back to the teacher's speech but I'm already lost. I see my classmate, who must be multi-task, is taking notes and I ask her what is the teacher saying. She just looks me annoyed again and says "Chill out!". I stress out and I want to cry. At the end of the lesson I keep taking notes with no one's help. I get not everyone feels the way I do with French. I just started a year ago and I need help to improve. But she looked at me as I should already know everything.

Underground in Madrid. Crazy as fuck. You can find there every single type of people. It's a cool mixture of cultures, classes, groups, ethnics, nationalities... I feel I can be myself there and even if someone looks at you oddly, there will always be someone weirder than you. Suddenly a couple comes in. They look cute together. I hope I'll find one day my blue prince. However, I just don't get why everyone around has had a relationship or a special relation with a guy but me. No one get it. I get stressed again.

I'm not the type of girl who needs the approval of society to feel all right. But how can't I feel stressed if all of a sudden people put all this pressure on me? I have to be skinny, smart and open to guys, just like that? I know that's not true. Still, if you are not like that there some doors that are closed to you. You don't really choose to close them, but society does for you.

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